Do you remember, about a year or so ago, when every other post on your FB feed was some blog post about the "true meaning behind the Disney movie, Frozen"?
I don't know about you, but my feed was INUNDATED with them. Some of them were good, most of them were hostile, one was really funny, and another was incredibly offensive.
And lets not forget the many blog posts about the meaning of "Let it Go". After reading so many of those posts, I decided that the song "Let it Go" could really only be about two subjects:
1. Horrible trapped gas in your gut after eating Mexican food
2. Or facing your fears
Or, if your fear is having trapped gas from eating Mexican food, just face it, and let it go!
But, this time, for the benefit and enlightenment of those of you who struggle with PPD, Anxiety/Depression, Bi-Polar Disorder, etc.
This one's for you.
10 things Frozen taught me about mental illness
1. Let it Go
Don't be afraid to tell your friends and loved ones that you struggle with a mental illness
Unexplained absences, mood swings, and withdrawal from friends and loved ones is confusing and hurtful to them if you haven't explained what causes you to do those things.
I told a friend the other day that I really couldn't handle going to really busy places with my two kids, without the help of my husband because it makes my anxiety flare up. So, she (and you know who you are) graciously invited me on a Saturday, instead of a weekday, so that my husband could come with me, and it meant a lot to me. But, if I hadn't told her about my struggle, she would probably have just thought I was avoiding her by refusing her invites from previous months.
You see, it really is freeing. Try it. I promise it will makes life easier for you.
2. Don't hide
Going out with friends, as alluded to above, is incredibly therapeutic.
Set up play dates, girls' night outs, whatever gets you socializing and out of your house. Although its hard initially, it pays off EXPONENTIALLY the more you try.
3. Seek help
Whichever route you choose, get professional help immediately.
4. Fear IS your enemy
But you shouldn't let it consume you. Whatever "flavor" or "flavors" of mental illness you have, you still have to cope with your fears. Repressing them only makes them worse. To coin a Frozen phrase as it should have been written:
"Feel. Don't conceal."
Some common fears include the following:
"What if my family/friends treat me differently?"
"What if my spouse won't understand when I am having a bad day?"
"What if the medication I am taking doesn't work?"
"How is this going to affect my social life?"
Let yourself feel. Its a good thing. Repressing negative emotion is like leaving a splinter in your hand....it will only hurt more, it doesn't usually go away on its own, and it will cause more damage if left inside.
5. Don't judge
Many people misunderstand mental illness and try to offer advice that is offensive or that makes your struggles worse.
The father's efforts to help Elsa are misguided, but intended to help. I always laugh at the scene where Grandpabbi tells Elsa that fear will be her enemy, and the Dad chimes in with, in effect:
"I got it! Lets hide her from everyone, tell her that she's weird, and teach her to repress her feelings. That ought to do it."
Yyyyyeah. Good thinking, papa.
I told someone once that I had PPD and they told me I should just try to focus on happy thoughts.
Good intentions? Yes.
Helpful advice? No, not for me anyway.
Should I write a blog post about what NOT to say to someone with PPD? No. I think we should realize that they are trying to help, and forgive the offense, even if their efforts were misguided, insensitive, or just plain rude.
Forgive. :)
6. Take responsibility
We sometimes inadvertently hurt those we love. Everyone does this. But, I think sometimes we can be in denial about the effects that our inward struggles have on those closest to us.
There are so many good people around us who will experience their own personal trial because they are trying to help you with yours.
For example: Spouses.
They are often silent victims and they need to be cared for just as much as they are caring for you.
Here's some advice on how to help them:
1. Warn them, gently, if you are struggling more than normal that day or week
2. Let them express THEIR fears and concerns about your struggles without judging them or becoming defensive
3. Give them a break. Let them go do something fun as regularly as possible to help them feel refreshed.
4. Don't expect them to be your therapist, but allow them to be your best friend
5. Thank them often for their love and patience
6. Praise them for their efforts to help you heal and deal with your struggles
7. Let them in
There are many people around you that are willing to help. Just let them in.
I actually REALLY struggle with this one.
Why?
Because I feel like asking for help is admitting defeat.
Or, at least, I did until today....
Think of it this way. In war, do we criticize the strategy of finding strong allies in an effort to defeat a common foe? Of course not. Its brilliant. It shows strength, wisdom, and faith. Faith in others.
So does asking for help and accepting it when its offered.
We ALL need allies.
If someone offered to babysit and give you a break, take it.
If someone said to call them anytime you need something, call them.
If someone recommended something that might help you, try it.
Let them in. You'll be so glad you did!
8. Your struggle doesn't define you
Think of it as your own little ice monster.
Yes, its there. And its loud. And you feel like its out of control sometimes. But, all it really needs is a tiara...:)
Try to differentiate between yourself and your illness. Yes, I have PPD. Its my little monster. But, its not who I am. It comes out sometimes when I am afraid, but it does not define me.
I am still me. And I am loved.
9. Find purpose
Can you find lessons learned and ways to serve through your illness? Yes.
That, for me personally, is the answer I've received as to why I have this struggle right now in my life. To teach me to be humble, to serve others, and to grow closer to God.
This little girl stated it so beautifully in The Friend magazine, a monthly publication by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, when she said,
"I have anxiety. Which is when you get very nervous. It is not fun to have! On the other hand, I am kind of glad to have it because it helps me grow stronger in faith, prayer, and testimony. Heavenly Father helps me through hard times to overcome my anxiety."
-Annelise D., age 10 Texas, USA
Amen. Couldn't have said it better myself.
"Out of the mouth of babes", right?
Which leads me to my final and most important advice....
10. Seek help from Above
God is perfectly aware of us. I have learned this more from having PPD than I have at any other time in my life. And I'm pretty sure that's why I have it.
He strengthens me every time I seek His help.
He is there.
And he will succor us in our time of need.
He brings the summer back into our lives. And hope into our hearts.
And when your fear seems to overwhelm you, and the world closes in, and you feel like you are carrying a weight you cannot be relieved of....
Let it go.
And let God.
-Liz
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