For example: Here's the scene from the movie that started it all.
She's perfect! Not only can she wear 4-inch heels while 8 months pregnant but she looks amazing in everything she wears and doesn't show even the slightest pregnancy symptom. Before watching this movie, if someone would have said "magical pregnancy unicorn" to me, I would have pictured something more like this:
A little more accurate, wouldn't you say?
In fact, here are some more of my favorites:
Doesn't this one just scream "I can smell that man's deodorant sitting behind us"?
Aaah, we'll get to this one in another post....
And this one was me, about a month ago. Lemme 'splain.
The picture above pretty much sums up my encounter with a real life magical pregnancy unicorn in the flesh. Yup. She was tall, blonde, and looked like she should win an award...for...something. She was wearing a tight, black, sweater dress and 4 inch heels with beautiful jewelry and perfect hair and had a perfect, perky little bump. For those of you unfamiliar with the infamous "sweater dress", I can help you understand the significance of a pregnant woman wearing one of those. Here's the evolution of pregnancy attire for most of us (in biblical terms just for fun):
Sweater dress(0-3 months)
begets
Maxi skirts(3-5 months)
who begets
Maxi dresses(5-7 months)
who begets
Maxi ANYTHING(8 months)
who begets
Sweat pants( 8 1/2 months..)
who begets
HUSBAND'S sweat pants!( One week before due date, or 9 months before, depending on if you are me or not!)
"Well," I thought to myself, "she's probably only like 4 or 5 months and was in amazing shape before she got pregnant. That's why I can't see anything but awesome stickin' out of her sweater dress."
"So, when are you due?" I asked, expecting a quiet, "Oh, not for a while yet...." But instead she said.
"5 days!! I can't believe its almost here!"
SAY WHAT??
Uh uh.
Most pregnant women look like this in a sweater dress at t-minus 5 days:
And we definitely feel that way....
Who WAS this woman? I told her I was pregnant too and immediately blurted out that I was only 5 weeks and looked like I was 5 months, just to avoid that awkwardness.( Hence the fat walrus telling the unicorn she's pregnant in the picture above). As she walked away, floating on sunshine and happiness, I felt myself envying her. It was like meeting Santa Clause. Or the Easter Bunny. Or the Queen of England(MegaMind, anyone, anyone? Best. Movie. Ever.)
Then it happened. That moment where you want to die, and then die some more.
"I can't believe she's due already." Said another woman who had been talking to both of us.
"And to think it took them 5 years to get pregnant. I am SOO happy for her!"
Now granted, I hadn't voiced any of my magical pregnancy unicorn envy but I still felt like trash. Trash, wrapped in vomit, and dipped in flames. 5 YEARS?? I was crying because it took me 5 MONTHS to get pregnant, and at no cost to me. I can't even imagine what this amazing woman went through to get that baby and I'm sure she is hated on by stupid women like me everywhere she goes.
So what REALLY makes someone a magical pregnancy unicorn? The hardship, and trial, and tears. That woman was magical because she chose to give everything and anything to have that child. And sure, most of us look and feel like this through it all:
(I'm pretty sure she had just ripped a nasty fart and accidentally peed herself in this scene)
BUT WE LOVE IT!
Moral of the story? There is no perfect pregnancy. And no unicorns. But there is an amazing miracle that we get to experience as women. And it doesn't manifest itself in sweater dresses and high heels. Mostly, it comes in the acne, back aches, snoring, and barfing with a little bit of precious on the side. And it IS beautiful.
You are my newest most favorite person in the world. Ever. How are we not best friends yet? I love your sense of humor, your writing style and the perfectly, painfully honest picture at the heart of it all.
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