How to FIND your happy place to finally LOSE that weight!

I posted yesterday about my weight loss on Facebook and a few friends have asked what I've done.

I've actually been wanting to blog about it for a while now, but wanted to wait until I hit 30 lbs first.

 

Here's what I've done.

1. I read a book called Intuitive Eating

I didn't follow their program specifically, but three points that they emphasize CHANGED the way I approach dieting and exercising and made it possible for me to finally commit and succeed.

Here's what I took from it.
-any diet based on deprivation and guilt will fail
-exercise should be a pleasure, not a pain
-you need to be emotionally stable in order to achieve a healthy weight

Let me elaborate.

My thoughts on deprivation/dieting....

Any diet based on deprivation and guilt will fail. That means, if you feel deprived, you're gonna crash, guilt yourself, and give up.

This really made me think....isn't EVERY diet based on deprivation? How am I supposed to lose weight if I don't cut something out?

Then I realized that I needed to find a way to not feel deprived, no matter what diet I chose.

**Intuitive Eating recommends not dieting at all, but just listening to what your body wants and stopping when you are satisfied.

I hope I can get to that stage soon. I do not have the self control just yet to just tell myself "I'm done eating this now" and put it away, but I'm getting there...

So, I decided to calorie count first to teach my body how much it actually needs each day and I've finally been able to start listening to my body more and knowing when I have had enough or need more.

But, if you are needing to lose a large amount of weight(more than 10-15lbs), I say start with some training wheels first. All diets will help you lose weight, so pick one with the goal in mind that you will need to govern yourself without any help eventually.

Just make sure you know what you are getting yourself into, and be aware of which aspects of the diet might make you feel deprived and set a plan for overcoming those feelings or avoiding them entirely.


Here are the most common reasons I start feeling deprived and give up on a diet:

-I get bored of eating the same things over and over again
-I can't eat what everyone around me is eating(big one for me)
-I don't get to indulge a craving when I have it

If you look at diets you've quit over the years, you'll start to see patterns of common deprivation based reasons that you quit.

So, I had to figure out how to counteract these, because they would come up no matter what diet I tried.

Here's what I did/do/am still working on to avoid feelings of deprivation:

I try lots of different types of food. I log my food, so its easy for me to see when I've started eating the same things over and over again.
Like this morning, for example, I ate oatmeal because I have eaten eggs and bagels for breakfast almost every day this week. I knew that I would start feeling deprived, so I chose something I haven't eaten in a while and mixed it up a bit with walnuts and peaches instead of bananas like I used a few weeks ago.

Be creative!

...and what I do to deal with feeling like I can't eat what everyone around me is eating:

This is a really hard one for me.

I used to hate going to parties when I was dieting. I'd either have to bring my own food(too much extra work and takes the fun out of going to a party) or try to avoid eating at all(which was pretty much impossible) or only eat like a stick of celery or something.

I would always end of cheating, feeling really guilty, binging on everything when I got back home, and giving up on whatever diet I was doing a few days later.

Does that sound familiar??:)

Now, I do this instead:

I save up my calories for the party by eating fruits and veggies during the day, or I exercise before/after the party, or I eat what I want at the party and cut extra calories to make up for it the next day.
I've been so much happier doing this instead. Then, I can eat what everyone else is eating and enjoy myself.
I no longer feel like "the fat girl who's on diet" at parties on a dates.

...and what I do when I have cravings:

I eat what I am craving!

If I want chocolate, I eat it. BUT, I only eat what I can "afford".

I heard an analogy for making good choices that really resonates with me because it has to do with my second love, SHOPPING:)

Here it is:
     Start looking at food labels like price tags....is this food a good "deal"? Are you getting your money's worth? Can you "afford" it?

I love this.

It makes so much sense to me, because I am a bargain shopper, so I started looking at food the same way I look at shopping.

For example:
I see my favorite chocolate bar. The entire bar is 850 calories. Yup. I think to myself, "Can I afford this?"(Do I have enough calories left to "pay" for it? If I can, I eat the whole thing.
No guilt whatsoever.

If I can't "afford" it, I decide how much I can afford and either buy a smaller version, which you can usually find, or eat the amount I can "afford" and give the rest away.

My sister bought me a large, Costco chocolate sheet cake for my birthday, per my request, and after my birthday dinner, I was left with almost an entire cake left. I can't even guess how many calories that was!!

I felt really conflicted about what to do...it was MY cake, right? And a gift:) I asked my sister if she would mind if I gave some away to neighbors? She said she didn't, so I cut it up, divided it onto plates and bowls, and gave spent the next two days giving it away!

Thanks to those of you who graciously accepted it!

It was such a break-through for me. I knew that keeping all that cake in my house something I could not afford. It would be way too tempting. So, I kept two pieces and gave the rest away.

Please eat chocolate. Please eat treats.

Just don't eat the whole thing if you can't afford to.

My thoughts on exercise:

Don't do it unless it makes you happy. If you are forcing yourself, you'll fail.

This was a huge breakthrough for me I thought that in order to lose weight, I need to force myself to exercise...which, looking back on it now, seems even sillier to me. If you have to force yourself, it means you don't want to do something.
Plain and simple, right?

Intuitive eating talks about learning to love moving your body.

I love that, too!

If you are moving, you are burning!

Look for activities that get you moving and count those! Playing with your kids, walking around the mall with your husband, those are exercises!

I used to think that if I needed to lose a lot of weight, that I needed to buy an expensive gym membership, get a personal trainer, etc.

They say not to focus on "a good workout", but on a good experience. That means that walking around the mall on a Saturday, or playing with your kids outside are successful exercises. Isn't that great? If you loved your body, and you feel uplifted afterwards, you exercised!! Congrats. :)

I believe that you should only exercise if you look forward to it. If it becomes another check list item or even a source of stress in your life, its counterproductive.

Finally, I saved the best piece of advice for last.

You won't be happy because you have lost weight, you will lose weight because you are happy.

 If you are struggling emotionally, you will struggle physically.

I really believe that.

If you have tried and tried and TRIED every diet and failed. Start by working back words.

Why did you gain the weight in the first place?

I can tell you exactly where each 10-15 extra pounds came from. Marathon recovery, miscarriage, in-law troubles, pregnancy woes, PPD, pregnancy woes, PPD. And there you go. :)

Sit down and have an honest conversation with yourself, and your spouse or loved one(if you feel comfortable) and talk about what has brought the weight on.

Are you feeling overworked? Are you not sleeping well? Are you struggling with depression/anxiety? Are you lonely?

I really, truly believe with all my heart that you'll figure out whats bothering you if you try and DIG DEEP.

After having my son, I knew something wasn't right with me....I didn't feel like myself. And as I started to look back even further, I realized that I had started behaving strangely in college. That's also when I started really struggling with my weight.

Surprise? No, not really....
I saw my doctor and was diagnosed with anxiety.

I started realizing that I had been self-medicating with food since college! Whenever I would feel anxious, I would eat to calm myself down.

Bingo.

Every diet failed because my mind was failing me. Not my willpower. Not my body, my mind.

So, before you decide on a new diet plan, ask yourself this:

Why did I gain this weight in the first place?

And you will set the foundation for a healthy weight loss plan.

Last thought:

Weight loss does not happen easily.

Weight loss does not happen easily.

Weight loss does not happen easily.

It just doesn't.  Its HARD. I still have to re-motivate myself. All. The. Time.

But...I know now why the weight is there, and I'm working on that first, every day. From every angle. I catch myself eating when my anxiety is bad. And I stop. And that made all the difference for me, personally.
And my body is losing weight. Its is going away. Slowly, but surely.

So, don't give up! Love your amazing body and give your mind a makeover first. Then, you're body will have no choice but to come along and enjoy the ride!

Love,
Liz

                    

Let it go.

     Do you remember, about a year or so ago, when every other post on your FB feed was some blog post about the "true meaning behind the Disney movie, Frozen"?


     I don't know about you, but my feed was INUNDATED with them. Some of them were good, most of them were hostile, one was really funny, and another was incredibly offensive.

    And lets not forget the many blog posts about the meaning of "Let it Go". After reading so many of those posts, I decided that the song "Let it Go" could really only be about two subjects:

1. Horrible trapped gas in your gut after eating Mexican food
2. Or facing your fears

Or, if your fear is having trapped gas from eating Mexican food, just face it, and let it go!

 

  But, this time, for the benefit and enlightenment of those of you who struggle with PPD, Anxiety/Depression, Bi-Polar Disorder, etc.

 

This one's for you.

 

10 things Frozen taught me about mental illness

 

1. Let it Go

Don't be afraid to tell your friends and loved ones that you struggle with a mental illness

 

 

Unexplained absences, mood swings, and withdrawal from friends and loved ones is confusing and hurtful to them if you haven't explained what causes you to do those things.

 

I told a friend the other day that I really couldn't handle going to really busy places with my two kids, without the help of my husband because it makes my anxiety flare up. So, she (and you know who you are) graciously invited me on a Saturday, instead of a weekday, so that my husband could come with me, and it meant a lot to me. But, if I hadn't told her about my struggle, she would probably have just thought I was avoiding her by refusing her invites from previous months.

 

You see, it really is freeing. Try it. I promise it will makes life easier for you.

 

2. Don't hide

Going out with friends, as alluded to above, is incredibly therapeutic.

 

 

Set up play dates, girls' night outs, whatever gets you socializing and out of your house. Although its hard initially, it pays off EXPONENTIALLY the more you try.

 

3. Seek help

Whichever route you choose, get professional help immediately.

 

 

4. Fear IS your enemy

But you shouldn't let it consume you. Whatever "flavor" or "flavors" of mental illness you have, you still have to cope with your fears. Repressing them only makes them worse. To coin a Frozen phrase as it should have been written:

 

"Feel. Don't conceal."

 

 

 

Some common fears include the following:

 

"What if my family/friends treat me differently?"

"What if my spouse won't understand when I am having a bad day?"

"What if the medication I am taking doesn't work?"

"How is this going to affect my social life?"

 

Let yourself feel. Its a good thing. Repressing negative emotion is like leaving a splinter in your hand....it will only hurt more, it doesn't usually go away on its own, and it will cause more damage if left inside.

 

5. Don't judge

Many people misunderstand mental illness and try to offer advice that is offensive or that makes your struggles worse.

 

 

The father's efforts to help Elsa are misguided, but intended to help. I always laugh at the scene where Grandpabbi tells Elsa that fear will be her enemy, and the Dad chimes in with, in effect:

"I got it! Lets hide her from everyone, tell her that she's weird, and teach her to repress her feelings. That ought to do it."

Yyyyyeah. Good thinking, papa.

 

I told someone once that I had PPD and they told me I should just try to focus on happy thoughts.

Good intentions? Yes.

Helpful advice? No, not for me anyway.

 

Should I write a blog post about what NOT to say to someone with PPD? No. I think we should realize that they are trying to help, and forgive the offense, even if their efforts were misguided, insensitive, or just plain rude.

Forgive. :)

 

6. Take responsibility

We sometimes inadvertently hurt those we love. Everyone does this. But, I think sometimes we can be in denial about the effects that our inward struggles have on those closest to us.

 

 

There are so many good people around us who will experience their own personal trial because they are trying to help you with yours.

 

For example: Spouses.

 

They are often silent victims and they need to be cared for just as much as they are caring for you.

Here's some advice on how to help them:

 

1. Warn them, gently, if you are struggling more than normal that day or week

 

2. Let them express THEIR fears and concerns about your struggles without judging them or becoming defensive

 

3. Give them a break. Let them go do something fun as regularly as possible to help them feel refreshed.

 

4. Don't expect them to be your therapist, but allow them to be your best friend

5. Thank them often for their love and patience

 

6. Praise them for their efforts to help you heal and deal with your struggles

 

 

7. Let them in

There are many people around you that are willing to help. Just let them in.

 

 

I actually REALLY struggle with this one.

Why?

Because I feel like asking for help is admitting defeat.

Or, at least, I did until today....

 

Think of it this way. In war, do we criticize the strategy of finding strong allies in an effort to defeat a common foe? Of course not. Its brilliant. It shows strength, wisdom, and faith. Faith in others.

 

So does asking for help and accepting it when its offered.

 

We ALL need allies.

 

If someone offered to babysit and give you a break, take it.

If someone said to call them anytime you need something, call them.

If someone recommended something that might help you, try it.

 

Let them in. You'll be so glad you did!

 

8. Your struggle doesn't define you

Think of it as your own little ice monster.

 

 

Yes, its there. And its loud. And you feel like its out of control sometimes. But, all it really needs is a tiara...:)

 

Try to differentiate between yourself and your illness. Yes, I have PPD. Its my little monster. But, its not who I am. It comes out sometimes when I am afraid, but it does not define me.

 

I am still me. And I am loved.

 

 

9. Find purpose

Can you find lessons learned and ways to serve through your illness? Yes.

 

 

 

That, for me personally, is the answer I've received as to why I have this struggle right now in my life. To teach me to be humble, to serve others, and to grow closer to God.

 

This little girl stated it so beautifully in The Friend magazine, a monthly publication by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, when she said,

 

"I have anxiety. Which is when you get very nervous. It is not fun to have! On the other hand, I am kind of glad to have it because it helps me grow stronger in faith, prayer, and testimony. Heavenly Father helps me through hard times to overcome my anxiety."

-Annelise D., age 10 Texas, USA

 

Amen. Couldn't have said it better myself.

 

"Out of the mouth of babes", right?

 

Which leads me to my final and most important advice....

 

10. Seek help from Above

 

God is perfectly aware of us. I have learned this more from having PPD than I have at any other time in my life. And I'm pretty sure that's why I have it.

 

 He strengthens me every time I seek His help.

 He is there.

 And he will succor us in our time of need.

 

He brings the summer back into our lives. And hope into our hearts.

 

 

 

 

 

And when your fear seems to overwhelm you, and the world closes in, and you feel like you are carrying a weight you cannot be relieved of....

 

Let it go.

 

And let God.

 

 

I hope this was helpful. Remember, you're not alone. Hope is always there! :)

-Liz