Embrace your inner sumo!

Lets just start with a quick recap of Jess and I's conversation from Saturday, shall we?..

Jess: Got a surprise for you!
Me: Oooh, nice.(Hoping its chocolate, or something that is smothered in chocolate)
(Jess walks over to me and hands me a brown Amazon package)
Me:......My jock strap!!! Yay!!!

"Jock strap??" You say, with a worried, puzzled, slightly offended look on your face...
Yup!
My prego jock strap that I ordered finally came in the mail.

NO amount of chocolate could compensate for the amount of joy this little lady brings to a pregnant women!
How did I get to this point? Lets go back a few weeks...

I was lying in my bed a few weeks earlier, pretending that I was falling asleep. You see, I go through this same routine every night. Roll around., stuff some pillows, go pee a couple of times, scratch my belly as if I had contracted some sort of plague on it...roll around some more, open a window, and by about 3-4AM, I am OUT, like a light.

Pleasant, yeah? I know all my fellow former and current pregos are probably saying, "Yup, sounds about right!"

Disastrous. EVERY NIGHT.

But this one night in particular, I began my usual toss and turn routine with one particular turn that could have started World War III, if any of the world wars involved prego women who just wanted to kill something...

I tried turning over to my right side, but was having little success due to the entanglement of my legs in my favorite comforter. I growled(yup, I growl) at my stupid comforter and then decided to orchestrate some sort of ninja kick to get my right leg out of the tangled comforter so I could turn over.

And then it happened....

I flung my right leg out of the covers and SNAP!, I felt like I had just ripped a whole in my womanhood.
Yeah.
OUCH!

I laid there in shock for minute and then let out a yell and started whimpering in pain.

Did I just give birth?

WHAT happened?

Suddenly, I felt like someone had kicked me. In my womanhood. And it was bad.

(Just in case you are wondering what I might be talking about, feel free to watch this part of What to Expect When You Are Expecting...)

Apparently, I had just put my body through some pretty extreme torture without even realizing it.

I eventually shed a few tears and fell asleep.
The next morning, I had an apt with my mid-wife and I explained to her that something wasn't feeling so good in the South Pole..
So, like a good lady doctor, she checked things out and told me I had varicose veins caused by the intense pressure of the weight of my belly bearing down on my womanhood.

Aaaah, yes, GREAT! Vericose veins....there??? Um. (In my mind I'm thinking..."should I blog about this??" :)

She proceeds to tell me about these wonderful "support devices" that help carry the weight of the baby and add compression to your womanhood to keep from injuring yourself(too late!), swelling, or in worse case scenarios, having a pre-term labor.

She highly recommended/prescribed one of them for me and promised "all would be well". If I got one....

I brought the brochure out to my sweet husband who wrestles with our toddler in the waiting room after we've heard the heartbeat and I have to talk "logistics" with my mid-wife.

"Honey, look!" I said, pointing to the picture of a woman, dressed in eighties aerobics gear wearing what looked like a jock strap, "look what I'M buying for you!" (wink, wink)

I was hoping he would think it was pregnancy lingerie....which, is kind of an oxy-moron, in my book anyway! :)

My version on pregnancy lingerie looks a bit more like THIS!

 

He gave me this really sweet look like,"Aaw, good idea honey!" And we both had a laugh at my expense....:)

 

On the way back home, I thought of as many jokes as possible to take my mind of the lack of sexiness that was about to become my life for the next two and half months..

 

I snorted out, already laughing at my own jokes I was telling myself in my head to keep from feeling depressed about my new life. "I could like buy a football jersey and just wear that with this thing, yeah? Lingerie, schmon-gerie!"

 

"Or, oooh, like a just a baseball helmet and that? Hahahaha?"(Again, this was all to myself... in my head)

 

So, fast forward two weeks or so as my husband hands me the package and I open it. Out comes my prego jock strap, in all its glory.

 

 

"Hey look!" I say to Jess, "it's got LACE on the crotch. Well, that does it. This is the sexiest thing I have EVER seen."

 

And with that, I went into our bathroom, put it on over my undergarments, and opened the door for my husband to see....

 

"Honey, check this out!" I said, and began my slapping my thighs in a crotched position in my best attempts to impersonate a sumo wrestler....

 

 

 









My husband laughed, gave me a wink and said, "You know, its really not that bad!"
Husband of the year?
You betcha.

SO, I decided to embrace my inner sumo, and so should you. Here's why:

1. The minute I put in on I felt 10 pounds lighter
2. My back stopped hurting
3. My hips felt like they were going to stay together instead of rip apart
4. My sciatic nerve stopped flaring up
5. I had more energy and LESS anger
6. It gave me an INSTANT BUTT LIFT.

The last reason ALONE should be enough, right? Instead of a nice slap to your buttocks-shaped jello mold, your husband will get a firm toosh slap, worthy of admiration!
So if that isn't enough to convince you to get one of these babies, these lacy sumo-jock straps, then you need to just get one and try it for yourself. If you are struggling with any of the above ailments and are anywhere from 20-39 weeks, I HIGHLY recommend these.

Because hey, your worth it. :)

Why God wants us to be emotional eaters...

Hi, friends! I have officially hit the third trimester...
HALLELUJAH!

When asked recently why I haven't blogged in a while, I have been responding with, "WELL, I got a little fatter. And I don't wanna talk about it."

Which is quite silly, considering that this blog is ALL about being overweight! 

So, I thought I would share some of my struggles about weight gain and also share what I'm learning to truly believe about it as well.

Struggle #1: I am an emotional eater

I eat when I am happy, sad, thrilled, disappointed...etc. Negative OR positive. Had a bad day? A snickers bar. Had a good day? A snickers bar. Obviously, no waistline can handle such nonsense. So here's what I found on the matter:

Lesson #1: God wants us to be emotional eaters.
<shock and awe>
Now before you go crying, "blasphemy!"...lemme 'splain.

(For those of you wondering where I got this scripture from, please msg me and I will explain!)

Doctrine and Covenants Section 59:16-20

"Verily I say, that inasmuch as ye do this, the fulness of the earth is yours, the beasts of the field and the fowls of the air, and that which climbeth upon the trees and walketh upon the earth;

Yea, and the herb, and the ^agood things which come of the earth, whether for food or for ^braiment, or for houses, or for barns, or for orchards, or for gardens, or for vineyards;

Yea, all things which come of the earth, in the season thereof, are made for the ^abenefit and the ^buse of man, both to please the eye and to ^cgladden the heart;

Yea, for ^afood and for raiment, for taste and for smell, to^bstrengthen the body and to enliven the soul.

And it pleaseth God that he hath given all these things unto man; for unto this end were they made to be used, with judgment, not to ^aexcess, neither by extortion.

Doesn't that sound like a description of emotional eating to you?? It sure does to me. Textbook definition.

Now, if I could sum up these scriptures in one picture, it would be this one!

Heavenly Father WANTS us to giggle about what we eat...and crave it...and dream about it. And, I believe, to rely on it to comfort and please us. But, there are a few key points, that I bolded, that must be met in order for Him, and our souls, to be pleased with what we are eating.

I believe that emotional eating is a God-given blessing of mortality and can bring immense joy and satisfaction, IF, and its a big IF, it follows God's guidelines from these verses...so here they are with a personal interpretation from my own thoughts(not doctrine). :)

Guideline #1: The good things which come of the earth

I'm not sure that Snickers bars qualify...even if they have yummy peanuts! I think God knows that the purest, and healthiest foods bring us the MOST joy, not only to our bodies, but to our spirits as well. In fact, He even likens the joy of living the Gospel of Jesus Christ to eating a delicious fruit. 

He knows better than anyone what happiness is and how to get it. The more we listen(me especially) to His counsel on eating, the happier we will be. 

Guideline #2: The fullness of the earth

To me, this means eating a variety of foods and experiencing all that God made for us. I can't say that I'm the best at this, but I have found that the more open I am to trying new things, the more things I learn to love and the healthier. 

Quinoa? Why not? I don't even know how to pronounce it, but it just might change my life.

Guideline #3 To strengthen the body and enliven the soul

When is the last time junk food "enlivened" your soul?? To be honest...never. I really mean that. I always think that somehow, ice cream sandwiches are going to feel like hugs, but they never do!

So, why doesn't ice cream( in all honesty) enliven our souls? Because it doesn't strengthen our bodies..! SO thats it! 

I think most of us know that bad food isn't good for our bodies, BUT, what I didn't realize is that I am eating the wrong kind of comfort food!

Guideline #4: To please the eye and gladden the heart

Now, really, how eye pleasing is this??

It doesn't take an artist to realize there is no eye-pleasing going on here...

This, however.

...is gorgeous!

Guideline #5: To be used with judgement, not in excess or extortion.

What would excess or extortion look like in relation to cherries?....hmmm. Like this, maybe?

Now, am I saying its a sin to eat cherry pie? No. Definitely. I AM saying, that this is exactly what God warns will NOT bring us comfort...in fact, it brings the opposite. Because, it is in excess and extorts cherries in their natural state and purpose.

If that sounds political, somehow, I apologize. But, it does bring to light what man has done to God's version of comfort food. We have perverted it. And wrapped it up to look like happiness when in reality, it often brings heart ache(literally) and despair. 

SOOOO, whats the point of me saying all of this.....? I am living this way now. Heavens, no. Far from it. But thats obvious to anyone who has seen me lately.:)

This is how I want to live. HEALTHY FOOD IS THE ORIGINAL COMFORT FOOD. Only man decided to change that, not God.

But, with all good things that we learn, there must be a change of heart and mind to cause those truths to really change our lives.

So, my new goal is to learn to love the REAL, God-given, sanctioned, comfort food. 

When I have a bad day, I want to binge out on pineapple.

When we get a raise, I want to celebrate with yogurt.

When I feel like the world is ending, I'm gonna drown my sorrows in grape juice....

Because I would like REAL comfort food. Yes, please!